Romans 14 challenged the way I judged people whose choices differed from mine. This personal reflection explores how the love of Jesus welcomes believers, respects conscience, refuses contempt and sometimes lays aside personal freedom to protect and strengthen another person.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”
The Weak and the Strong
As I read Romans 14 in the English Standard Version, I realised that the way I had sometimes viewed other people was wrong.
When someone behaved differently from me, I could quietly place that person on a mental list of “weird” people. If I saw someone eating a great deal of junk food, I might immediately assume that the person lacked self-control or was ruled by gluttony. I would then want to keep my distance because I feared adopting the same habits.
There may be times when wise boundaries are necessary, especially if another person's habits strongly tempt or harm us. Yet Romans 14 confronted something deeper in my heart: I had moved too quickly from observing a choice to judging the person making it.
3 “Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.”
4 “Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls.”
God Has Welcomed Them
That sentence—“God has welcomed him”—changes how I must look at another believer. The person does not belong to me. He or she is the Lord's servant, and the Lord is able to make that person stand.
Romans 14 describes believers who reached different conclusions about food and special days. One ate freely; another abstained. Paul did not allow the freer believer to despise the cautious one, nor the cautious believer to condemn the freer one. Both were called to honour the Lord and give thanks to God.
I need to stop assuming that every difference is rebellion, weakness or foolishness. Before I label another person, I should remember that God sees the heart, understands the conscience and knows the person's entire journey. I do not.
Love Does Not Place a Stumbling Block
Romans 14 also corrects the opposite error. Christian freedom is not permission to disregard the effect our choices have on someone else. If I know that a particular food, drink or behaviour presents a serious struggle for another person, love asks me to consider that person before pleasing myself.
15 “For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love.”
17 “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”
19 “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”
21 “It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.”
This caused me to examine my own actions. There have been times when I ate things I knew I should avoid in front of someone who was working hard to become healthier. Even if I felt free to eat that food, I was not necessarily acting in love if I knowingly made the other person's struggle more difficult.
Love does not wave freedom in another person's face. Love is willing to put something down—not because the thing itself controls me, but because the wellbeing of the person beside me matters more than satisfying an appetite in that moment.
What Romans 14 Does—and Does Not—Teach
Romans 14 teaches me to:
- welcome believers without quarrelling over every difference of opinion;
- avoid despising people whose conscience is more cautious than mine;
- avoid condemning people whose conscience permits something mine does not;
- consider whether my freedom could become a stumbling block;
- pursue righteousness, peace, joy and mutual upbuilding; and
- remember that each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.
This chapter does not say that excess is healthy, that self-control is unnecessary or that Christians must pretend every behaviour is wise. It also does not require one person's private conviction to become a rule for everyone else.
The difference lies in the posture of the heart. I can recognise that a choice may be unwise without treating the person with contempt. I can set a healthy boundary without declaring myself spiritually superior. I can also surrender a genuine freedom for a time without resenting the person I am trying to support.
How Can I Practise the Love of Jesus?
- Welcome before debating. See the person as someone Christ values, not as an argument to win.
- Ask before assuming. I may not understand the person's health, history, conscience or present struggle.
- Refuse contempt. Neither the person who partakes nor the person who abstains should look down on the other.
- Notice possible stumbling blocks. If my choice could weaken someone beside me, I can choose restraint.
- Use boundaries without condemnation. Love can be kind and still recognise when distance from a temptation is wise.
- Pursue mutual upbuilding. My question should not merely be, “Am I allowed to do this?” but also, “Will this help the person beside me?”
The next chapter makes the connection to Jesus even clearer: the strong are called to bear with the weaknesses of others rather than simply pleasing themselves. Paul then writes, “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God” (Romans 15:7, ESV).
Loving as Jesus loves is not merely feeling affection for people who think like me. It is welcoming those Christ has welcomed, refusing to make myself their judge and willingly surrendering a personal preference when doing so protects their faith. Love does not ask only, “What am I free to do?” It also asks, “What will bring peace and build this person up?”
Questions for Reflection
- Have I confused a personal conviction with a command that every believer must follow?
- Do I secretly despise people who make choices different from mine?
- Is there something I could willingly avoid when I am with a person who finds it difficult to resist?
- Can I establish a necessary boundary without insulting or condemning the other person?
- Does my behaviour promote righteousness, peace, joy and mutual upbuilding?
Lord Jesus, teach me to love as You love. Forgive me for the times I have judged, labelled or despised people whose choices differed from mine. Give me wisdom to recognise what is truly harmful, humility to respect another person's conscience and strength to lay aside my own preferences when love requires it. Help me pursue righteousness, peace, joy and everything that builds others up. Amen.
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