This personal testimony recounts a night of tears, an unwanted intrusive image, self-harm and a desperate prayer for help. It describes the faith-centred visualisation I experienced, how I understood it through the shield of faith in Ephesians 6:16, and the peace that followed.
A Night of Tears and an Intrusive Image
This is a personal testimony of deliverance after a night of intense tears, struggle and self-harm. I had seen something that I felt had polluted my mind.
I came across a pornographic image on X—something I will not repeat here. At the time, I was grieving the loss of husbandly love in my situation at home. My now ex-spouse had come out as transgender, and our previous love life and bedroom life had ceased. I felt emotionally vulnerable and interpreted the image as an intentional attempt by the enemy to draw me down a path of perversion.
However, it had the opposite effect. I took the matter to God in prayer, but no matter what I did, the image and scene refused to go away. It troubled me like an annoying leaking tap.
One day, while lying alone on my bed, I began striking my head with my right hand, pulling my hair and repeatedly shouting, “GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!” I did not care whether my daughter, in her room, thought I was going crazy.
When that did not work, I kept striking my head. I cannot remember how long I harmed myself. All I knew was that I wanted the horrid image out; I felt that it had no right to occupy the real estate of my mind.
In tears and disgust that neither self-harm nor my repeated attempts to force the image away were working, I asked God again to help me. In a whisper, I pleaded for the Holy Spirit to intervene.
“It Is Time You Learn How to Think Like a Child of God”
This is when I heard a small yet assertive voice instruct me. The following words are recorded as I remember experiencing them in prayer:
“You’re a child of God; it’s time you learn how to think like one!”
“I need you to take yourself out and see yourself in front of the sphere Earth.”
So, I imagined taking myself out into space, turning back and facing Earth.
“Now imagine a tiny speck—a ball or circle of light.”
So, I imagined the circle of light beginning as a tiny pinprick.
“Now look at the Sun.”
So, I looked at the Sun.
“Now look back at that small ball of light.”
So, I looked back at the small ball of light.
“Now increase the size of this ball.”
So, I increased the size of the ball.
“Stretch out your hand towards the Sun, and inject the power of the Sun into this ball.”
So, I stretched out my hand towards the Sun and injected the power of the Sun into that ball.
“Make the ball the size of Earth.”
So, I made the fireball the size of Earth.
Inside the Earth-Sized Ball of Fire
“Put yourself inside the ball of fire.”
So, I did. I floated inside the ball of fire, which was the size of Earth.
“Observe what you see, and tell Me how powerful the Sun is.”
So, I looked around and saw the flames lapping and licking outside like whips against a human back.
I remembered how the Sun can scorch us when we spend too long in its rays and how we need sunblock for protection. I remembered how plants draw from the Sun to survive and how, without rain, the Sun can dry lush land until it becomes desert.
“Now look at the memory that is plaguing your mind while you are inside this ball of fire.”
So, I looked. What I saw no longer troubled me or stirred my senses through my longing for husbandly love.
“This is MY SHIELD OF FAITH. You must look through this ball of flame at all things dark from the past, present and future.”
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The Shield of Faith and the Peace That Followed
“Above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.”
After this experience, I managed to fall asleep in a deep peace that surpassed all understanding. This brought to mind Philippians 4:7, where the peace of God guards hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I also had an impression that this shield of faith I had been taught was not the same as the faith we have in Christ. It was a personal impression about how to look through faith at things from the past, present and future. From then on, the power of the image and scene I had seen on X faded into nothing. The experience also reminded me of the call to bring every thought into obedience to Christ in 2 Corinthians 10:5.
The Stone That Filled the Whole Earth
I was also reminded of the stone in Daniel 2:34–35 and 44–45: the stone cut out without hands that became a great mountain and filled the whole earth. I connected that stone with Jesus and the everlasting kingdom of God.
That is when it struck me that darkness is running out of room. When something is dying or being cornered, it may lash out in desperation. I see a similar pattern in today’s world: darkness can appear prominent, but I believe this is not proof that it will prevail. Scripture presents evil as finally judged and rendered powerless. This is the spiritual interpretation I drew from the experience.
Not by My Strength Alone
“‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the Lord of hosts.”
There are times when we think we can continue as normal and manage everything in our own strength, but that is not always true. We need mighty strength and a mighty shield against forces that feel greater than we are. For me, victory did not come through striking myself, trying harder or depending upon my own self-control.
It came through reaching for the strength of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ and the Father in heaven. Galatians 5:22–23 identifies self-control as fruit of the Spirit. Divine self-control is mightier than my own: no power of darkness can come close to defeating Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
The shield of faith did not require me to deny that the intrusive memory existed. It changed the place from which I faced it. Self-harm and force could not drive it away, but faith turned my attention towards Christ, placed the memory behind a greater spiritual reality and allowed peace to guard my mind.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is an Earth-sized fiery sphere described in the Bible?
No. The fiery sphere was the personal image I experienced during prayer. The biblical foundation of my interpretation is the shield of faith in Ephesians 6:16, not a requirement that other Christians use the same visualisation.
Is this testimony a replacement for mental-health care?
No. This is a personal testimony of prayer and faith. Anyone experiencing persistent distress or urges to self-harm deserves immediate human support and appropriate professional care alongside any prayer or pastoral support they choose.
When did the divine teaching occur?
From memory, several months down the track of my ex-spouse coming out as transgender.
Do you still use that Shield of Faith ball?
Yes. This shield works wonders and I feel people who belong to Christ must know about how it works.
Are you still on 'X'?
No. I have cut out X from my life. The Scripture (Matthew 5:30) instructs to cut away the things that causes us to sin, in this case I find cutting all social media is the best for me.
Where does the image of the stone filling the earth come from?
It comes from Daniel 2:34–35 and 44–45. Daniel describes a stone cut out without hands that becomes a great mountain and fills the whole earth, within a vision of God’s everlasting kingdom.
Topics Covered: Christian testimony, intrusive images, self-harm recovery, prayer, spiritual warfare, the shield of faith, Ephesians 6:16, peace through Christ, Daniel 2 and the fruit of the Spirit.